rollercoaster.

I went back to work last Monday with a heavy heart. Seriously. It was so hard getting ready for work, and it had nothing to do with being sleepy! But the 2-week break did feel like it was longer... When I came in to work, I felt like I left my desk for far too long than a fortnight. But it was good to come back to something that I'm [pretty] good at. And despite all the dramas and stress, REDmoney is a good place.

But one of my sisters called me that night, and told me that my grandmother on my dad's side passed away. To be honest, despite being really frail and old, Pah U's passing was a huge shock. I was not particularly close to her, and she was not my biological grandmother; she was my dad's stepmom. But she was always kind, and a wonderful cook. Her small, slim frame can somehow light up the whole room with her presence. She always had nice things to say about everyone.

And on Saturday night, I found out that my granduncle on my mom's side passed away. Tok Halim's wife is my late mom's auntie. My second sister, Hani, is close to their daughter, Kak Dzuha. I call her Kak, or sis, as she is only a few years older than I am. His death must've been hard on the family. But he too was sick, but I have faith in what the Almighty has planned for us.

These news kind of gave me a reality check. There I was, a newly wed with a good job, good people surrounding her, and enough happiness to share with 100,000 people. And suddenly two members of my extended family passed away, and left us filled with tears and sorrow.

But then again, there is never a perfect timing when it comes to death.

And, I am reminded of what it was like when my mother left. Though I still have memories of her in me, admittedly I've been thinking of her on a much lesser frequency now. But whenever I remember that fateful Monday night in June three years ago, my heart gets tied up in such a knot that I have to tell myself to breathe. People go through so much shit and hardship in their life, but I can't think of anything worse than losing the person you love, depend on, and look up to leave before you are ready to let go.