rollercoaster.

I went back to work last Monday with a heavy heart. Seriously. It was so hard getting ready for work, and it had nothing to do with being sleepy! But the 2-week break did feel like it was longer... When I came in to work, I felt like I left my desk for far too long than a fortnight. But it was good to come back to something that I'm [pretty] good at. And despite all the dramas and stress, REDmoney is a good place.

But one of my sisters called me that night, and told me that my grandmother on my dad's side passed away. To be honest, despite being really frail and old, Pah U's passing was a huge shock. I was not particularly close to her, and she was not my biological grandmother; she was my dad's stepmom. But she was always kind, and a wonderful cook. Her small, slim frame can somehow light up the whole room with her presence. She always had nice things to say about everyone.

And on Saturday night, I found out that my granduncle on my mom's side passed away. Tok Halim's wife is my late mom's auntie. My second sister, Hani, is close to their daughter, Kak Dzuha. I call her Kak, or sis, as she is only a few years older than I am. His death must've been hard on the family. But he too was sick, but I have faith in what the Almighty has planned for us.

These news kind of gave me a reality check. There I was, a newly wed with a good job, good people surrounding her, and enough happiness to share with 100,000 people. And suddenly two members of my extended family passed away, and left us filled with tears and sorrow.

But then again, there is never a perfect timing when it comes to death.

And, I am reminded of what it was like when my mother left. Though I still have memories of her in me, admittedly I've been thinking of her on a much lesser frequency now. But whenever I remember that fateful Monday night in June three years ago, my heart gets tied up in such a knot that I have to tell myself to breathe. People go through so much shit and hardship in their life, but I can't think of anything worse than losing the person you love, depend on, and look up to leave before you are ready to let go.

Post-wedding FAQs

I think I should make printouts and distribute them when people ask me any of these questions:

Question: How's life now that you're married?
Answer: It's pretty much the same, except that I get to see Kusa/Along/Hafiez more often.

When are you going for your honeymoon? or Where is your honeymoon?
We haven't made any firm plans for a honeymoon yet, but we had a 'mini-moon' in Melaka a few days after the wedding.

Where are you guys staying at?
At his parents' place.

Are you guys planning to live on your own?
Yes we do. But there are things to consider before we move out. So we're waiting for the right time. And money.

When are you starting a family?
Once we have our financials straightened out. Not so much about having money to burn, just enough to live comfortably. There's no point in having a baby if we're not sure how to pay for the baby's expenses as she/he is growing up!

i am married. omg.

Alhamdullilah, everything turned out well. There were a lot of hiccups during my reception especially, but everything fell into its place eventually. I was surrounded by the people who were my pillars of strength during the months of the ordeal commonly known as 'wedding preaparation'.

There was my dad, with whom I had numerous arguments with during the whole process. We don't have the normal typical father-daughter relationship, but when he said during the merenjis ceremony that he wanted to kiss my cheeks, I had to fight the urge to cry and bawl there and then.

There were my sisters as well, without them I wouldn't be able to hold my reception. They joke that they provided the money for my majlis, but without them I honestly wouldn't know what to do. Kak Syisya and Kak Diana helped pointed out the mistakes I did and the mistakes that would have happened if certain things weren't addressed, and Kak Hani were in the picture quite late in the process, but she was there nonetheless. Kak Azfa was my replacement pengapit, since Azzura, who was supposed to be the maid of honor during the reception in KL was down with a terrible flu.

There were my niece and nephews, who despite their naughtiness, are the most adorable kids I know.

And finally, but never the least, there were my friends. The people who I depended on a lot during the whole planning process. I don't want to be biased, but Azzura was the go-to girl when I had to do things last minute. But that does not mean that Lyana, Hanim, Along and Noran did not help a lot! They did, and for that I am forever grateful.

The ceremonies were beautiful. The nikah was the event with the most hiccup, but it all went well. My Sayang said the lafaz in one breath, and took only one take! Funny thing is, I thought he was rehearsing! But he did very well. For that, I am very proud. Woohoo~

My reception afterwards was simple and intimate. There was not a lot of hoopla about it, but the turnout was pretty good. My Sayang's family reception, on the other hand, was in a much bigger scale, and very nicely done. It was grand. And honestly, I love my make up on Sunday much much more than the make up on the reception the day before. Thank you Kak Fida for making me feel like a queen!

Pictures will be up soon, insya Allah.

A new chapter has begun (chewah). But for now, let me just get used to the idea of calling my Sayang as Husband, and my in-law as Ayah and Mommy. It'll be fine insya Allah. I have five clearing days to register it all in.