the chemical-smelling hair

i permed my hair today... yeay! it's not exactly a farah fawcett hairdo, and it doesn't really look like catherine zeta-jones' hair that i wanted the stylist to emulate... but i think it looks good on me. pictures will be up on friendster soon... if i'm not too lazy. i also got myself a new pair of slip-ons from vincci that i've been eyeing for a week now. i was having second thoughts for a while, but i really hated going through all the shoes again... not with that kind of crowd. what kind of crowd, you ask? the "it's-a-public-holiday-and-there's-a-sale-at-vincci-so-let's-trash-the-place" kind of crowd. not very pleasant. and i collected my baju raya from the tailor yesterday, and after a few alterations, it was ready. so does this mean that i'm all set for raya? must be, kan?

not quite.

puasa has come and gone hurriedly, it seems to me. you know how when you were younger you would actually count the days to raya, and by the 3rd of ramadhan you thought, "man, why can't this month go any faster?", and fasting appeared almost draggy? well okay... maybe just me then. there's none of that this time. there's only one day left in ramadhan, and when it hit me this morning, i thought "WHAT THE HELL?!". literally.

i guess what i'm trying to say is, puasa and raya this time 'round is not what it was to me 10, or even 5 years ago. heck, i think i was excited for last year's. honestly, i don't know why. i do know that without my mother, nothing is ever the same. well, to be honest... there's not that much difference, but at least she was there before. and we always know that we're gonna spend at least a night in Ulu Kinta or Tanjung Rambutan [the pekan, not the hospital!], either at my grandparents' or one of my aunties' place. but this year... i honestly don't know if we're gonna get out of town.

which reminds me... my opah; my mom's mom, passed away during syawal last year. sigh.

but the rest will remain the same, insya Allah. i usually look forward to raya mornings when the five of us sisters will go through my mom's jewelry with her and pick what we would like to wear for the day, with mama's approval, of course. though this time the four younger siblings will do that under the watchful eyes of the eldest. there's also the asking for forgiveness part of the day, and this year, as it was last year, i will get no duit raya. sigh.

i remember when i was smaller, my mom told me, "kecik-kecik tak payah duit raya banyak-banyak, orang besar je boleh dapat", and when i grew up, she said, "dah besar tak payah duit raya banyak-banyak, budak kecik je dapat". haih~ it was a no-win situation. and still is! grr.

here's something new for this aidilfitri: i'll be visiting my mother's grave. and i'll probably shed my first tear of raya ever.

oh well.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir Batin to all Muslims... sorry if i ever did or said anything that hurt you, either intentionally or accidentally. i'm a meanie sometimes, but i'm usually nice :) remember to have a great raya, and be safe in whatever you do... well, at least do enough to survive on the first few days of syawal. huuhaa~

Happy holidays to all!