the final trace of innocence

went to the dentist yesterday. that isn't news, normally... but that was my first visit since... i dunno... my UiTM days? that isn't normal. nothing majorly wrong about my teeth... just needed some serious scaling and polishing. and i mean some really SERIOUS hardcore ones.

it was my baby's birthday and also ili's yesterday. didn't call or sms either of them... kinda made me feel bad. i felt especially lousy after reading ili's latest entry in her blog... i'll make it up to you okie mz ili? sorry ek? and kusa? i was so sad for not wishing him for his birthday, that when he finally called from koba, i was the one in tears and he had to console me.

that's right. kusa was in koba. he's on his way back now, so insya Allah i get to see him later. had a little pre-birthday celebration last thursday night before he flew off to indo... ikin cooked up a mean soto ayam for us. too bad i was sick... i would have eat more than just one lousy bowl.

so broke nowadays. made me realize how financially-dependent i was to my late mother. have to really save up and not use as much money as i did when she was still around. am thinking of getting a part-time job again... but i don't know if i could handle it. but the college break is less than 2 weeks away... so i guess i should start searching...

my yo-yo mood is still very... yo-yo. until when? forever la kot. but i am happy despite everything. i'd like to clarify that i am not putting up any front to seem happy, or that i am over it. i will never be over it. but i am aware that life has to go on. and that i should appreciate the people around me. my life. my future. i will still be thinking about her, and sometimes you can catch me with my mind wondering elsewhere. don't worry. i'm not suicidal, i have accepted fate. i probably won't be over it, that's all.

have a morning class tomorrow. 3 assignments to pass up. finished none of them. ugh.

later world... ciao...