Emran Hamzah is love.

So many words to describe how much I love him, that I am speechless. My obsession, my everything, my reason to live.

I'm considering shutting this blog down. I don't mind having just one reader - counting myself - but my posts are lately very few and very far between.

Or maybe I'll keep it for the occasional rantings.

Decisions, decisions.

6 days late, but Selamat Berpuasa everyone.

Al Fatihah.

Grandpa passed away on 6th June 2010.

20th June marked the 5th year anniversary since Mama's passing.

Then a dear uncle, Yop Taib, pulang the Rahmatullah on the very next day, 21st June.

June 2010 is a sad, sad month for me. Can't wait for the 29th to come (Hamzah will be 5 months old!), and then get this month over and done with.

I know that a new month does not make much difference - they are still gone and there's not much I can do about it. But I want to get this awful vibe off me, if that is even possible.

Furthermore, there are several things to look forward to in July - Hubby's birthday and our wedding anniversary just 3 days after that.

And maybe I can finally celebrate something this year. I realized a few days ago that I have yet to properly celebrate any special days of mine since 1st January 2010 - discounting my birthday of course, since I was busy having contractions and getting cut open and all that.

And off I go~

random thoughts.

This post is not triggered off by anything anyone said to me or something that I've seen recently. This is just my personal observation.

Anyhoot.

I hate it when people say things like "Nanti dah kahwin tau la macam mana", or "Let's see if you can do things better when you have children". Or something along that line in any situation at all.

I can get quite concerned sometimes when when I see something that's a little bit off. Sometimes I voice it out. And then I get retorts like this... which I think is rude, and downright offensive.

Just because you are dealing with the situation poorly (either by doing/acting/saying too little or too much), that does not mean other people who have yet to experience married life/parenthood/fill-in-the-blanks will do the same. I believe I speak for the most of us human beings when I say that we try to learn from other people's mistakes. There's a possibility that we might repeat them, but I honestly don't get the negative attitudes that usually comes with those remarks. Gila tak supportive kot.

At the same time, I hate it when people voice out their dislikes over things that they are not experiencing themselves, just because they do things differently. I am not being hypocritical - there's a difference between having an opinion and being a bitch about it. If you don't like it, fine lah. But unless you are in their shoes, then you wouldn't know the real deal in its entirety. What you see is not always what you get.

So don't be stubborn about your ideals being the only right choice, and accept the fact that there are different routes to reach the same destination. No one likes a Ms./Mr. Know-It-All, anyways.

I wish.

It really doesn't matter if you celebrate Mother's Day tomorrow, as long as you always appreciate her and have her best interest in your heart.

Furthermore, everyday is mother's day. But just like Valentine's, it is nice to have a specific day to do something special for that special lady in your life. Or, give her a break and send her off to a fully-sponsored spa. And I'm sure most moms would agree; a simple wish and a kiss on the cheek will do as well.

It'll be my first time. And I would love nothing more than to celebrate it with my own Mama. My God how I miss her. Celebrating it with her would be so different this time around. Not just because I will no longer take her and the day for granted. But also because now I KNOW what she went through to have all five of us. What she did for us. I'm sure my sisters felt the same when they had their kids.

What would I do? I would arrange for a sisters-and-Mama outing, have a hearty lunch at a cozy place where we could talk and chat and bitch. I would ask her how did it feel like when she had my eldest sister, how did she feel with five daughters... and with an adopted son. What did she find most challenging as a mother? How was I as a baby? What was my favorite food? When did I first give her a smile? Do all babies' poo smell as bad as Hamzah's?

And then we would all laugh together.

Wishful thinking.

I should stop before my tears starts to flow.

Deep breaths, Mira.

I won't be celebrating tomorrow, because my Boo is down with dengue. Its mild, but mild dengue equates to bad fever, coughing, back pain, joint aches, loss of appetite. Poor Sayang. But Alhamdullilah, his platelet count has increased. Rasa macam nak peluk dia and comfort him all the time, but its kind of impossible with a 3-month old infant.

But its ok. I will still be spending the day with my boys. And like I said, even a little wish and kisses on the cheeks would do. For now. Nyahahah.

So remember kids. Go hug her if you guys are in the same house. If you guys are not, then take a drive to her place, and then hug her. If she stays too far (and by too far, I mean in different states/countries all together; however, you in KL and she in Selangor DOES NOT COUNT) give her a call, and tell her how much you love her.

Coz you'll never know when the ability to do so will be taken away from you. And no amount of tears and wishful thinking can ever bring it back.

Happy Mother's Day.

heylow!

Hey all~

I have to admit, the lack of posts here is not because I do not have the time... but Twitter has proven to be so much easier when I need to vent out ASAP or make a quick statement. But alas, when you have a lot to say, 140 characters is not going to cut it.

So here I am. Blogging away~

I just want to apologize to those who have been victims of my 'kejap ada kejap tak ada' online self. It comes with being a mother of an infant; Hamzah has a pretty predictable schedule, but there are times when he just cries and wants someone to hold him. So to those who feels like I've been abandoning them when they're about to tell me stuff - sometimes very important stuff - I am sorry!

Also, apologies for not being able to commit to outings as often as I used to. I simply don't want to go out too much... Siapa nak jaga chunky boy kan? I will usually go out if my Sayang can take care of him... or Mommy, if she's available. And this is why sometimes I have to plan my outing in advance. I don't like to depend on Mommy's maids too much. I trust them... but only to an extent. They're not very experienced when it comes to caring for a baby, so kalau setakat buat susu and tukar diapers tu boleh la lagi.

Furthermore... I'm quite particular about the way things are done when it comes to Hamzah. Hubby dearest called me a control freak. I call it being a mother.

This is also why I sometimes ignore well-meaning advice by some very good people. Well, some of the advice tu actually memang tak boleh pakai pun, but a rare few do makes sense... but its just that I choose not to go down that road. Like using a buai to lull babies to sleep, for example. I hear that babies sleep better and longer with swings. I'm sure it works for other people, but holding Hamzah to sleep and singing to him works well for us. And the little lion is beginning to sleep longer at night for the past few days... So why change a good thing?

Lain orang, lain la cara dia. Doesn't mean you are wrong... Doesn't mean I am, too.

I'm gonna stop for a while... Hamzah's due for susu anytime soon.

Till later~